The Underlying Blog

I’VE MOVED TO KyleMcFarlin.com, FOLLOW ME NOW

After years of sometimes reliable, sometimes flaky, always smart-ass blogging, I have moved completely to KyleMcFarlin.com. I was going to do it anyhow, but then Microsoft went and cancelled their 'MS Office Live Small Business' service so I just went ahead and did it now. In fact, not only am I moving my blog to there but VisualStrategist.com will also redirect to there, making me fully established at 'Kyle McFarlin.com'. Want to talk about massive ego synchronization... you're welcome 8-) .

The website is a work in progress. Think of it like the Death Star in 'Jedi'. The laser cannon works, but there are still condominiums to install. And hopefully pissed off people in bowl cuts and teddy bear costumes don't band together to blow my ass up. But if they do, I’m ready.

So anywho, please take a moment and add my new blog to your favorite reader:

Visit KyleMcFarlin.com now

And while you're there, take a moment and add me on your favorite social media networks, which are linked at the new site:

Visit KyleMcFarlin.com now

And if that weren't enough, you can sign-up for the Kyle McFarlin newsletter at the new website (if you already signed up for the Visual Strategist newsletter, you're good as it is the exact same newsletter from the exact same person, under a different title).

Visit KyleMcFarlin.com now

Thank you for your years of loyal readership (If it's not true, I'll never catch you), and please enjoy my new website / blog. I will be getting pretty unhinged when everything gets going, but you will never personally be in danger, and that's everything. Think of me like a nerdy Charles Barkley who can't ball (maybe not as witty either). But certainly as smart-assed. Again, you're welcome.

Go Kyle!

 

Visit KyleMcFarlin.com now

A lesson in sexy fried hypocrisy

I have nothing to say this month, and since the one month guarantee I gave a while back stipulates I must blog monthly or let you know I won’t… boom, hypocrisy on this issue avoided.

I just have nothing to say. Except Ohio’s weather is weirder than usual. Way weirder. I rode through an Alfred Hitchcock movie of confused birds the other day.

But I guess there is a business lesson in here somewhere and so here goes: I made a commitment to you I would do something: My mind is an empty vessel right here, right now, so I’ve come up short. But at the same time, I’m earning your trust even more so by doing what I said I would do if I didn’t do what I ideally should have done (Did that make anyone else think of Chris Brown’s ‘Look at Me Now’ ?).

So take note if you’re a marketer or just tired of flakiness: You now trust me more because I’m handling sloth properly.

Starbux and Hot People Who Admit They Know ME

Yes, I be lovin’ the Starbucks. Only place I like better than Chipotle.

I was feeling extra lazy this month about writing a blog post... And then my friend Becky (who along with her boyfriend Derek are like escaped models set free in Ashland) decided to write a blog post featuring me, which made my ego swoon. It features a few random statements I made about the Starbucks environment and patrons along with a couple of dialogues we had with our friend Felipe. I give you Kyle Unplugged:

kyle at starbucks

Happy new year, and drive safely (really and truly please do).

Go Kyle!

 

Yes Becky, Derek has a naked beard (nothing in the middle).

My Gift to You: Look Leggy in Leggings not Lumpy

Ladies,

I come to you today with a serious topic of discussion. There is still time to save things. If you act now. Here goes…

You need to think very, very, very carefully about the leggings as pants ladies. And just to be clear, I’m referring specifically to leggings worn as pants, not as part of an outfit where they fit the role of panty hose or something like that. And before you accuse me of wanting the fairer sex in beekeeper’s suits, let me unequivocally state that I enjoy shorts, skirts, even skorts, sweat pants (selectively), sweat shorts, jogging shorts, bikinis, mini-skirts and of course Victoria’s Secret (had to be a tramp stamp). Kyle’s a pig! Who woulda thunk it? [BTW, thanks again for throwing the VS Christmas catalogue away Jeff, good buddy old friend: Now how do I shop for my imaginary gorgeous girlfriend for Christmas?] So now that I’ve established myself as a lusty, chesty guy (think Beauty & the Beast’s Gaston with less muscles and even less accent)…….. holy shit, what is with the leggings without thought of the consequences? I can’t put my finger on what it is that bothers me about them at times. Girls have been wearing skinny jeans forever – I like those. But with leggings, at best the girl deserves to fly herself onto Ibiza in a pink fighter jet with a ‘Mission Accomplished’ banner fluttering in the background… other times the girl misses the island entirely and kills a whale.

(Go Pippa! I approve.)

But there’s something about leggings that are just so… hit or miss. And I can’t even find any trend to the pattern. It’s not a skinny or a curvy thing because some of both succeed and fail in leggings. Like if you think of jeans, basically, everyone looks good in them. But leggings are a different animal entirely. I’ve seen women who could walk runways wearing leggings and looking like strange giraffes for it. And I’ve seen women who I wouldn’t notice a second time turn into Goddesses in leggings. They do strange things to straight-aways and curves… we must strategize…

Actions You Can Take to Make Leggings Your Friend (or at Least Frenemy)

So let me restate, some women do look good in leggings, even epic... You just need to know if you're one of them.  So use the following to ensure there is nothing lumpy or camelly about your holiday swagger, just sweetness like a latte.

1. Check yourself out in leggings - what do you think? Look back and front. That’s right, use the honest mirror, the one you hate for it. Be truthful with yourself. If you’re impressed, proceed to step 2, if not, proceed to step 4.
2. Ask a girlfriend you know will tell you straight up for an opinion of you in leggings. If honest chica gives thumbs up, proceed to step 3. If not, proceed to step 4. 
3. Ask a guy who is in no way dependent on you for the good lovin' and is known for bluntness how you look in leggings. Press him and let him know that no food will be withheld for his candor. If he gives thumbs up, move to step 5. If he doesn’t, move to step 4.
4. Landing Spot 1: Wear yoga pants instead. If you want the leggings look and you still want there to be some mystery about…errr… your calves… yoga pants are where it’s at. All the hotness and they don’t tend to make girls look weird.
5. Landing Spot 2: Wear the leggings and be confident. You earned it because you passed through my steps, Candyland-style. Just try to stay calm if a guy stares because merchandise is being paraded Vegas-style: It’s like when a girl has a paragraph across her chest or butt: I’ve earned the right to read.

Because I haven’t talked about mind mapping much for awhile (even though I’m dealing with it professionally more than ever) I would have liked to in this post, but I just can’t talk about it right now… but wait for it.

So I hope I’ve given the ladies the ultimate gift of looking hot for the Holidays… you’re welcome.

 

Happy Holidays!

Go Kyle!

What do you think?

Leave a comment below and let me know.

 

(NOTE: Thank you Mandi for helping me think this issue through and the yoga pants idea.)

Happy Halloween I am the Victim

Gonna keep it short this month because I don’t feel like writing, but I feel like being a hypocrite even less. Here goes…

I’m not a big person for Halloween. In fact, I usually choose something about my current outfit and use it as my costume. For example, I think I’ve been a golfer 6 or 7 times in the last 10 years because I had a polo shirt on. The other times I just say I’m a nerd (see glasses). Tomorrow, drink in hand, I think I’ll be a Starbucks customer.

But this year has been different. I’ve enjoyed seeing people in their costumes (mostly nurses). I even thought about wearing one myself (say, a doctor to go with the nurses) until a straw broke the camel’s back of my mood…

I was in festive spirits until yesterday, when the TV Guide channel rocked my world in the least desirable of ways. There I was, just an innocent guy looking for the ‘Big Bang Theory’ marathon on TBS (thug life fool, big ups Lexy) and low-and-behold, the TV Guide channel was playing some terrifying horror movie. Some dark shadow creature pursuing people through rooms and yuppies were talking at a conference table. The horror.

If you know me in person, you’re aware horror movies are not high on my list. I loved ‘Seven’ (shut up, boxed heads are scary) and Zombieland (shut up, I don’t care if it was a comedy). I’ve seen some horror movies, but mostly I don’t understand the allure of being terrified for the fun of it. Real life is often terrifying enough without some sucktard in makeup murdering hapless campers or hot chicks. I say let the hot chicks live and campers are cool if they cook for me. Even better when a hot camper chick cooks for me.

But here’s my gripe TV Guide Channel: You are not accomplishing your mission if you are terrifying people to the point where they can’t focus on selecting a program. Fine I’m a lightweight and not much into horror movies… but it was a legitimately scary movie you were playing even so. I got through it, I’m a big boy (even I laughed right there)… but dammit I didn’t enjoy it. So just imagine if someone who is more easily scared than me, say a 9 year old girl, was trying to find SpongeBob on the TV Guide Channel. Instead of finding Patrick and Friends, she’d find what I have to believe was an Rated-R horror movie on the TV Guide Channel. And TV Guide channel are you going to pay that 9 year old girl’s therapy bills? Or mine?

Shame on you TV Guide Channel. Send me a Chipotle gift card and I’ll consider forgiving you.

Off to watch Night of the Hunter, tootles. Maybe I do enjoy being a hypocrite a little bit…

Top 10 Movies REAL Gangsters Watch

Okay, I talk endlessly about my love of Scarface. I don’t even know how many times I’ve seen it, so let’s put it this way, I don’t know if I’ve eaten Chipotle more times or watched Scarface more times. Yep, that much.

But something is getting lost in my endless love of Scarface and how much I talk about it. There are a number of quality movies which strike an intimate, even feminine chord that REAL gangsters should watch, especially those of the male persuasion. Therefore, for every time you watch Scarface, I recommend you watch or rewatch one of the movies on this list.

1. A Passage to India. My favorite movie of all-time, captures that invisible, impossible chasm between East and West that once was (and may still be)
2. Driving Miss Daisy. The only thing missing is a sex scene. Just kidding, or am I?
3. Steel Magnolias. Heartbreaking and uplifting, the friendships we should always aspire to.
4. Fried Green Tomatoes. I can cry just thinking about it. Again, friendship.
5. The Bridges of Madison County. If you really love, you can walk away.
6. The Notebook. It still pisses me off it made me cry, but it did.
7. The African Queen. Katherine Hepburn is so hot she could be a sauce.
8. The Joy Luck Club. The ultimate movie to make me cry. Perhaps my second favorite movie on this list.
9. Dr. Zhivago. Lara’s Theme still gets me.
10. Citizen Kane. The ultimate episode of Hoarders, in romance and other things. Rosebud may be the most powerful symbol in all of cinema history.

And if there is a special person in your life, these are perfect movies to watch with them.

I thank my Mother for introducing me to a lot of these movies at a young age.

Focker out.

Two Ton Middle Finger Spotted

 

The Jackass or Not?

The following happened somewhere in the vicinity of 1 year ago.

I was driving through North Central Ohio on a nice summer day. Wind in my hair, Backstreet Boys Lil Wayne bumping, all that stuff… When what should emerge in front of me on the road? Why its a pickup truck loudly branded with the logo of a local realtor. Not only a local realty company mind you but a local realtor who has featured HIMSELF as the brand… on the side of his truck. I mean, we’re talking about one of those guys who puts his mugshot everywhere he can. And here’s the kicker. Are you ready for it? Here we go: Whoever was driving it was in full-on asshole mode. Not the kind where you get the feeling they're on their way to the hospital to have a baby. No, the kind where they believe they are king of the road and you’re just lucky to be a witness to it. And we Ohioans are weary of being witnesses, believe me.

Now I actually thought of not telling the story because I can no longer remember the details of what made it such interesting asshole driving. Who wants to read about a sucky driver when you can't even remember any of the Smoky and the Bandit-esque details, right? Then I was thunderstruck this morning with the realization that THAT is the message to tell you: I can't remember the experience all that well, it’s just one of those consolidated memories you carry around with you… What I do remember and will take with me forever is the logo on the side of the truck and the local realtor who was forever branded in my mind by professional-grade, jolly jackass driving techniques.

So, let's recap. The message on the side of the truck read something like: ‘Hi I’m Jon Doe, I can afford to have a pickup truck custom painted. Also, I’m a good looking guy so here’s my face to boot. Further, I can afford a plush truck payment, which means I am reliable and can get things done. So you should list your house with me and/or buy one from me!’ Great message, bring on the 50’s ranch. On the other hand, whoever was driving the company pickup truck, be it the person themselves, an employee or family member, essentially was saying this through a blowhorn on behalf of the realtor: 'Hi I'm Jon Doe. I don’t care what you think about me or my company and to show you that, I’m going to drive like Grand Theft Auto and to hell with your family and your safety. To sum it all up, enjoy the view of my dual middle finger salute and have a super swell day bitches!'

Look, you may be wondering why I'm not naming the realtor in question. Fact is, I don't know him personally, indeed a d-baggish employee or family member could have been driving the pickup. Hell, maybe his son or daughter just got their license and grabbed the truck without him even knowing. So I don’t know the situation and it may have never happened again…

Nevertheless though, Jon Doe the realtor has a problem. His market is a relatively small town and I thought it through more than most people would: Most people would just assume it’s him driving. And that’s really bad because people make split second decisions all the time, and anyone who saw the guy and didn’t think it through would never consider taking their business to him.

So here are some tips to follow if you’re thinking of making yourself into the visible brand when your driving around town bumping.

Jackass Avoidance Tips

· Tip 1: Look, don't stick your brand or picture on a vehicle unless you plan on driving like you're taking the Queen and her purple hat wearing friends out to the early bird special. I'm not claiming driver sainthood, I'm just claiming I'm not going to put my marketing message on my damn vehicle unless I'm going to drive like I have a halo over my car.

· Tip 2: And even if you do vow to drive like a saint and consequently put your branding on your Hummer... don't ever, ever ever EVER let anyone drive it who will not uphold the message you want to convey to prospects and customers. Because the second that vehicle is seen swerving after leaving a bar at 3 in the afternoon... who knows... your brand could be tarnished. All anyone sees is YOU drunk, even if it's someone else driving the vehicle.

· Tip 3: If you are in an edgy business of some sort, some of this may not apply to you. For instance if you are selling energy drinks, then it's better you look awake when you drive... Still, there is a colossal difference between looking awake and peppy, and driving like a living middle finger.

What do you think? Am I being too judgmental or am I right?

Technorati Tags: Kyle McFarlin,Realty,Ohio

The Dark Kyle Rises

That title sounds like a Viagra commercial. I am tan right now… still that’s sad and funny. Are you as tired as I am of hard-on commercials spoiling classic blues and rock songs? I can no longer listen to Elvis’ ‘Viva Las Vegas’ with integrity (if that was ever possible). Or Howlin Wolf’s ‘Smokestack Lightning’. I am angry: Look I love anything that brings two people who care for eachother together, please just stop making these weird associations in my mind! And stop airing them at 3 o’clock in the afternoon: I pity the father who has to explain the term ‘erectile dysfunction’ to his 7 year old while trying to enjoy a ballgame together.

And Cadillac destroyed Led Zeppelin’s ‘Rock and Roll’ for me ages ago. I love Cadillacs. I love the song ‘Rock and Roll’. THEY DO NOT GO TOGETHER.

Okay, back on topic: Anyone else think the best part of the new ‘Harry Potter’ movie was ‘The Dark Knight Rises’ preview? I’m a Harry Potter fan, and the movie has not been completely effective when I’m rooting for Voldemort the whole time. I mean, I wanted Harry to go down with Tony Montana ‘say hello to my little friend’ gusto, but I still wanted him to go down. At least Ron put the mack down on Hermoine I guess. I think there was something about the pacing that threw me. Who knows. And now I’m off topic again.

Back to the Dark Knight Rises. I get the impression that Batman may throw his gear back on and kick the hell out of a returning Arnold Schwarzenegger as Mr. Freeze… or Tom Hardy as Bane. And Batman better get a date with Catwoman because he’s been rather romantically challenged in this trilogy so far. The preview for the movie is effective in referencing that part of the Hero’s Journey that Joseph Campbell and Christopher Vogler would refer to as ‘Ordeal, Death & Rebirth’. In the preview, Commissioner Gordon is explaining that Batman, who functionally (not physically) died in ‘The Dark Knight’, must return for there to be a tomorrow. It is Bruce Wayne’s choice to rise or not.

The reason I bring up ordeal, death and rebirth? Not because I have any illusions about being Batman (my car is black though), but because this is the first summer where I can legitimately say I’m hauling some ass on Important but not Urgent projects. So, the procrastinator in me has died to an extent, replaced by this annoying image of me with a close-cropped haircut, wearing a suit and keeping me productive. Armani Kyle is a jackass, you heard it here first. And yet I respect him because he makes me play hard in the 4th quarter: The bastard.

So in thinking about my last blog post, I have come through. I have worked my butt off this past month. If I had an aircraft carrier, I’d fly onto it with a Mission Accomplished banner behind me. It’s been that kind of month productivity-wise (Meanwhile my ego streaks across the sky). So now I’m faced with the hardest thing of all: Celebrating my victory, step 3 in my last post. I tell everyone else to do it and yet when it comes down to it, I’m a C- at best on celebrating. Usually it involves driving my happy ass to Chipotle and forgetting what it is I’m celebrating. So here’s advice to myself for enjoying victory.

3 tips to celebrate your recent victory

1) Tell the person in your life who keeps you accountable what you have done and what you are proud of. If appropriate, invite them to the celebration with you. For some reason, talking about it out loud has a solidifying effect, much like the professor who is so brilliant because repeated communication of the content has locked it forever in his / her mind.

2) Have a vocal internal dialogue on the way to your celebration in which you take on the role of a mentor or someone you respect and tell yourself about the accomplishment and why you should be proud of it. If you’re comfortable with this (and in a car, not the subway), actually talk out loud and address yourself. I do this sometimes and I assure you no one is laughing at you, they just think you have a microscopic bluetooth headset on they can’t see.

3) Before doing the celebratory act, frame the celebration in your mind. declare in your mind, ‘I am going to enjoy this as a celebration of ______’. And do so.

Next Actions

· If you’ve done something worth celebrating, follow my above steps. Duh. If you haven’t, do something worth celebrating. Double duh.

·Please RSS my feed if you haven't already. It'll make your life easier by eliminating the need to always be checking back here.

· Feeling generous? I greatly appreciate any bookmarks you want to give me in Digg, Stumbleupon, Delicious, etc.

· Hey if you liked this post or thought it blew, I don't care, tell me something and show me you're alive ;).

Technorati Tags: Kyle McFarlin,Harry Potter,Batman,Joseph Campbell,Christopher Vogler,Procrastination,Mission Accomplished,Victory

3 Tips for Going Luke Skywalker on the Death Star of Summer Procrastination

 

Burritos & Sundresses

It's summertime and most of my motivation, to put it bluntly, is focused on Chipotle, Mountain Dew and girls. It reminds me of that episode of Friends when someone asks Joey what he'd rather give up, food or women? I still have no answer, all I see is a pretty lady in a sundress handing me a Chipotle burrito with steak and guacamole, telling me I won the race. I have no damn clue what that means. Someday this paragraph may be used against me.

Seriously though, and especially given that I live in Ohio, land of the 4 schizophrenic seasons, I don't feel like working at all... and I actually have a lot to do. I have some exciting things going on over the next year (like Chipotle and Mountain Dew), and this is the perfect time to plan for them and get ahead.

If only I had motivation... so in 'continuing the greatness' as Bron Bron would say and blogging monthly, I've written the following to myself in the hope it helps you and I. Even if you don’t work for yourself, summer procrastination is still worth Power Swording.

 

3 Tips for Destroying Summer Procrastination

Tip 1: Make yourself work, at a minimum, 9-5 OR an 8 hour shift

If you need to break it up into 2, 4 hour shifts that's fine. Just do some damn work. Don't take days off just because, ya know, it's summer. I see people do this, and it's bullshit. Especially if you do consulting work like me, this is probably your lightest quarter of the year, making it the PERFECT time to get ahead and position yourself masterfully for the rest of the year and the first half of next.

If your client is having drinks on a beach somewhere and you’re at the office, don't be jealous, be productive. It's the ideal time to do some delayed spring cleaning. More importantly, it's the perfect time to work on those projects that the folks at Franklin Covey would call 'Important' but not 'Urgent'. You know, the project that will actually make you the most money in the long run but gets pushed back because of day-to-day, week-to-week demands.

Tip 2: Use vacation days when you play hooky

If you work for yourself, it means you have a certain amount of passion for whatever you are doing. Which means if you just walk out of the office when there is work to be done, you'll spend the duration of the time feeling guilty. So however you allocate your vacation time, use it if you want to take a day off. Which leads to…

Tip 3: Absolutely DO take some time off in summer to celebrate good work

Look, I live in Ohio. We have the 4 seasons. I'd be nuts not to take SOME time off in summer. Also, as I said before, a lot of clients tend to go on vacation this time of year so the opportunity is perfect. To make them count for even more, use them to celebrate milestones and accomplishments for the work you are doing. The ultimate albacore around your neck is a vacation day you spend feeling guilty about lackluster performance. So take time off to celebrate having played hard all 4 quarters of the game that is whatever you do professionally. Because you know, PEOPLE RESPECT YOU MORE WHEN YOU PLAY HARD ALL 4 QUARTERS OF THE GAME.

WARNING TO YOU

Ignore these tips at your own peril... Kyle.

Next Actions

· Please RSS my feed if you haven't already. It'll make your life easier by eliminating the need to always be checking back here.

· Feeling generous? I greatly appreciate any bookmarks you want to give me in Digg, Stumbleupon, Delicious, etc.

· Hey if you liked this post or thought it blew, I don't care, tell me something and show me you're alive ;).

Technorati Tags: Chipotle,Mountain,Franklin Covey,Ohio,Summer,Vacation,Kyle McFarlin

Mind Mapping Threatening to Dreams of Underachievement?

This is going to be a quick post this month… but let’s make super sexy note of one thing: I’ve kept my promise of blogging monthly. Wow, I need to do something hypocritical in some other area of life because I’m kind of ‘balls and my word’ over in this here realm.

So this month I have something cool for you to checkout. Chuck Frey recently posted a new report on mind mapping and the human potential. It’s a cool topic I’ve personally always been curious about. And by curious I mean I teach people this stuff for a living and rule at it. Pride before the fall but I’m wearing a parachute made of Chipotle rice – science says WTF. Chuck isn’t even asking you for an opt-in to get the report, even though you ought to join his list if you haven’t yet.

Here it is:

New report: How does mind mapping impact human potential?

Overall I liked the matter-of-fact treatment Chuck’s guests gave the subject. I’ve seen treatments in the past that are just a little too far out for me, a little too ‘let’s wear natural deodorant alternatives’. I wear Mitchum. I remind people of a Ford Truck. The Mitchum part is true.

And here are my thoughts, in 5 bite-size bullet points. Here’s what I think mind mapping is for:

1. Brainstorming
2. Arranging Information
3. Strategy & Goal Planning
4. Relationship Management
5. Execution on all fronts mentioned above (especially when using something like Mindjet’s Catalyst product)

That’s it.

Everything flows from those 5 things… everything.

That’s what I use it for, I meat and potatoes man (I think beer commercials are seeping into my brain as I read back over what I’ve written here. You can always tell when I’ve been watching NBA games).

If you’re in a hurry, just go to page 12 of the report for the mind mapped bullet points.

New report: How does mind mapping impact human potential?

What did you think? Leave a comment below.

Technorati Tags: Kyle McFarlin,Chuck Frey,mind mapping,Mindjet Catalyst,human potential,NBA,Brainstorming,Information Management,Strategy,Goal Planning,Relationship Management